Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
