Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
