i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
