I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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