Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
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Can you bring me the toilet please
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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