I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
