Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex on a dog bed..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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