I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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