went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
