If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
