I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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