If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
