i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
