just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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