you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
