Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
