the condom got lost in my hair
Small penises have feelings too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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