This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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