Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
