Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
