went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
