well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
