I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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