just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
