They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
