Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
