If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
