I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
