Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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