i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
