I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
