If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
