Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
