My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
