i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
