it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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