Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
