Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
