I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize