you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
