Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
