Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
