He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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