I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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