imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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