Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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