Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
