I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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