listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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