im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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