you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
