i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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