toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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