I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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