Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
