Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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