You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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