did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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