I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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