i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
