watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
