You made me cry and you don't even care
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
