theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
