The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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