Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize