I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
