My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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