when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
